Its clear that these are not annotations that you made while planning the game/levels presented, and rather some tidbits of info you are adding to further explain your role and work on the projects presented. As such I think a little bit more context as to what the project is and what your role was would help us understand better the meaning of the annotations.
For instance, did you design the minecart minigame as a whole? If so your annotations are quite good and convey the basic mechanics of the game. But if your role was of level designer, I think you would benefit more with either a sketch of the level with your though process while designing the level itself, something like:
"here in the beginning there are lots of coins and few obstacles" "this section has several obstacles to make for the most challenging part of the level" "at the end there are small pockets of very valuable coins, to reward players that have gone through the challenging part with a moment of relief".
Again, if you designed the mini-games, then your annotations are spot on explaining the basics of each gamemode, but I still think you should make it clear you where the game designer in those.
And in the personal work section, again, I think just a little context might do wonders to make the annotations meaningful.
Crysis: design of a single player level
Day of defeat: design of a multi-player level
Hal-life 2: environment and atmosphere scene
I'm not sold on the format you have chosen, doyou mean to print and take it with you on interviews or send the document in a PDF? I see value in those, but I'd still try to at least have something online, unless you are not actively looking for a job =)