I think you're adopting the trial and error and posting on forums tactic here, before doing almost no study at all. Just stop, and read this:
http://www.poopinmymouth.com/tutorial/n ... flow_2.htm
http://wiki.polycount.com/NormalMap?act ... 1698abbf3f
http://www.svartberg.com/tutorials/arti ... lmaps.html
http://www.game-artist.net/forums/4693-post74.html
http://www.gameartisans.org/gamecon/tutorials/tut_3.htm
http://cg.tutsplus.com/tutorials/autode ... n-3ds-max/ <- very good tut
Read that like it's the bible, only THEN start fucking around with bakings!
otherwise you'll waste your time with trial and errors and headaches that can be avoided if you give it the proper study.