Posts by RedYager

  • What's going on with your life?

    Reading some of these life experiences has been a real eye-opener and quite heartbreaking ( I shed tears, I know I'm a little girl), its bizarre how much I can relate to some of you. I'm very grateful about how open some of you have been, knowing that people who share the same interests and goals as I do have been through these types of experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone. I feel it only right that I share my own.


    I had a great upbringing, I've always felt safe, lucky, and had a loving family. I have dealt depression and anxiety for most of my life but managed to get through it. Around May 2012, after dropping out of University and remaining unemployed, I began to withdraw from everything, my friends, my family. I was filled with anger and frustration about my life and decisions I had made. By October, I was spending 23 and half hours a day in my small bedroom, sat on a shit chair in-front of a computer all day. I had completely shut myself off from my family, I avoided them as much as I could, and never spoke to them, even though we all lived in the same house. I have never felt such utter misery in my life, I had destroyed everything I cared about, and I had lost my family, or rather they had lost me, I had torn the family apart. I was certain that I had lost any chance of ever rebuilding my life, and had some really negative things running through my mind. It was only when my parents called my doctor to come visit me, that I actually started talking to someone. I remained like this until around April 2013, an entire year of the same shit all day long, I have no fucking clue how I got through it. My depression turned into severe anxiety, and I couldn't stay quiet anymore. I very slowly started talking to my parents again, just a few words a day. I cannot begin to describe how difficult these first steps were. The anxiety made me restless, and I actually started leaving my room and walking around the house. I now felt guilt and shame over what i had done, not over the past year but throughout my entire life. I had realized that it was me that had put myself in this situation, because of all the stupid things I had done. I started taking medication, for both the depression and anxiety. I also started learning about Buddhism, and learnt a great deal about happiness and becoming a better, kinder person. I'm not a Buddhist, but some of the teachings are so bloody obvious and make so much sense, yet are overlooked by so many. Over the next few months, I began talking to my parents more, I started leaving the house with them, going on walks and I started visiting my doctor. All of this was extremely tiring and difficult, but I couldn't go back, I had to keep at it and gradually reconnect with them.


    Throughout this entire time, when each day felt meaningless, I never stopped making stuff, maps, models and I kept on learning. Days would pass doing this. In November, when I was still recovering, I was contacted out of the blue and given a job offer. It meant moving to the bottom of the country, away from my family who I felt like I had just got back, I was also due to start therapy. My parents were very encouraging, but I didn't want to leave them without making up for the lost time. However I said yes, and two weeks later I had moved to an alien place, was living on my own, and working in an office with people I barely knew. It was bizarre, and I struggled for a few weeks to keep it together and settle in, but I did it.


    I now have my own little flat in a lovely location, a job I enjoy, and some points in the bank. My confidence is better than it has ever been, and I feel like I've achieved more by taking this job opportunity than I would have gained through therapy. But most importantly, I have my family back. I have learnt that family is everything, its all I need, I might be a long way away from them now, but we are together again, I love them so much and I will never let anything come between us.


    I have Mapcore to thank for helping me get through that time. I visited here every day, had EOT to entertain me, people to communicate with, and was inspired by all the cool stuff you guys come out with.


    -


    tl;dr - I wrecked myself, recovered, learnt lessons, now I'm happy

  • Bunglo's Flat Stuff n Shit

    I think that looks really nice Bunglo, and I admire your attitude towards drawing. When I end up drawing something that is garbage, I feel demotivated. Having read your post, I think I've been missing the point. If I enjoy doing it, it doesn't matter if what I've come out with is shite!

  • [NEOTOKYO] Nt_Yuki_ctg

    Hello Harley, interesting to see a fresh NT map. What Hashtag has mentioned makes perfect sense, it will likely be a lot more worthwhile to develop a map for a game without a limited playerbase. But as I'm a NeoTokyo player, I feel the need to urge you to continue development on this map. NeoTokyo still has a dedicated playerbase, albeit small, but I can assure you additional maps would not go unnoticed or unappreciated within the NT playerbase. However I do understand your concern, its hard to find motivation to work on something that may never see the light of day or make it onto a server rotation.


    I'll leave this here

    http://steamcommunity.com/groups/ANPA


    Cheers

  • Raindrop

    Holy


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    Moly

  • Insurgency

    I've also been playing this for the past view months, already have a lot of time spent in it and although its still early days its a hell of a lot of fun. The new game modes are great, in particular 'FireFight' which is really intense, I've seen 3Dnj a few times too which was cool


    I really like how its shaping up, and it seems like a really good platform to make levels for.

  • 2 Maps for Fistful of Frags

    Hi Pampers, it was good to see you playing last night. Most waist high fences can be jumped over, there are several locations that I've had to clip such as near the waterfall, with full stamina they should be manageable but I'll go over, check and refine them again so they are easier to get over. The rocks can be a real pain in several locations, some annoying spots where you can get stuck, and others are tricky to get onto when you need to get out of the river. I've been cleaning them up today and so far they are much easier to navigate, hopefully in the next patch this won't be so much of a problem. A new trailer was released today which I put together myself, so its not anything blockbuster   

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  • 2 Maps for Fistful of Frags

    Thank you for all the kind comments, they're really encouraging to read

    And thanks to anyone who took the time to vote for it on Greenlight!


    FMPONE, I would LOVE to see what these maps look like in CS:GO with the new lighting, when I saw Source SDK 2013 release I had a glimmer of hope we might have access to it.


    A few new members have joined the team which is good, if anyone out there is interested in creating some wild west themed character models for Fistful Of Frags, please get in touch!