Share yourself with your mapcorian friends

Great read, its amazing to see how mappers tend to gravitate to similar paths. I don't really know any of you but i feel like im bonded to you all in a strange geeky way.

The state of my life right now is it's bright and early in the morning, im a little hung over from last night, and i seem to remember making out with a random girl on the dance floor last night, the shame in that being that i have a girlfriend and i can't feel bad about doing it even though i want to.

I haven't done any REAL mapping in more than a year now, Im in a constant state of lethargy, where my life mostly consists of laying around in my university residency playing games, watching movies, maintaining decent grades, but really i feel like my life has no purpose right now, i feel utterly lost. When i was younger i thought i had everything figured out, i knew what i was good at, and i knew what i wanted to do. But in the past few years i feel like i've lost so much of my passion for life.

The irony is that I'm about a year ahead of a few of you who are trying to mature your lives out of game dev fanboyism, and i still dont feel like my life has gained any more meaning, in fact my former isolation gave me a greater sense of self satisfaction because i was so deluded sitting awake into the nights staring into a fluorescent screen that i could at least make up some delusions of grandeur. I miss the peer validation i got when I would post a WIP and get compliments, other than that there's nothing im missing about game dev.

Last year i met an absolutely amazing girl, who is so far out of my league it's not even funny, she's horribly in love with me and i think she would marry me if i asked. But my problem is that i just dont appreciate her anymore, as though all my love for her has simply faded away, I have this strange subconcious desire to sabotage the best thing i have. I create fights sometimes just for the sick excitement it gives, i just want to have more passion for my life, I think I'd be a happier person with a cause to be depressed, because right now I don't even feel like i exist. I'd rather be dead than bored.

So i guess the question is, what do you do when your life is perfect and you still can't be happy?

I'm ending high school this June and then going to do a Business degree, after that I'll probably go into Law... Not quite sure. Life is good, my part-time job is pretty well as good as I'm going to find as far as jobs are concerned. The work is interesting, the people are really nice, nothing much else you can ask for as far as I'm concerned. I've met this new girl who is absolutely fantastic... I hope everything works out, but something tells me she's going to play the friend card.

I don't have much to talk about with you guys, as I don't know many of you and I don't even map :roll:

Well lately my life has been in a huge juggle... going this way but wait... look.. its going that way. When I went to UNI.. i went there of having the intention of getting tons of mapping work done and majoring in Game Design. But slowly as time progressed.. I did 0 mapping and was really questioning my major. I started to make some really close friends.. friends that I saw everyday and chilled with most of the day, I lost a lot of weight and grew my hair out... in highschool i never really had friends that were constantly there chillen... so i hung out with the computer and did mapping. But everything changed when my roomate told me he was the son of a very famous musician and that he wanted to start a band with my close friends and I.

So this really got me thinking about my music and where i wanted to take it.. Im not sure... I think my plan will be to finish up some past priorities then just forget computers and move on with my life. But then again... i might complete change my mind later.... still plenty of decisions to be made. HARDTIMES.

As for girls... things are going great, no girl friend but I have fun and I guess thats all that really matters.

MINO: Good luck brother... tell me how it goes!! I hope to hear from you soon on MSN!

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So i guess the question is, what do you do when your life is perfect and you still can't be happy?

You really learn to appreciate certain things after you lost them, so in case you fuck up now you might really gonna bite yourself in the ass when she is gone. Decide for yourself if this is a word of caution or advise

Quote from FrieChamp

You really learn to appreciate certain things after you lost them, so in case you fuck up now you might really gonna bite yourself in the ass when she is gone. Decide for yourself if this is a word of caution or advise

yeah dude, i found myself in the exact same position as you are in, just a few years ago... And from that time to now its all been a struggle, The first thing i did was to break up with the girlfriend, she took that pretty rough the first week, but got over it eventually.. When i then tried to start mapping again, it really didnt work too good.. I joined a few mods that didnt lead anywhere and decided to just wait for HL2..

When HL2 came i just didnt have any fun making maps at all... all my spirit was gone, i wasnt eager at it at all... and its still that way in a few ways, but now i think i have found a way to battle through it, with the simplest of thoughts; "If i dont do it, it wont get done".

Stupid, i know.. but it works

I quit serious mapping many a month back and competitive gaming 2 months ago and it's like fuck yeh lets rock the real life. It's all fun and stuff and I might even come back and do a little NS and mapping on the side, but never again will it be serious jam for young benny boy! I just like the e-fame and the "omg ben you fucking rock comments" yeh.

Crackjack, who is the very famous musician?

Quote from RD

Crackjack, who is the very famous musician?

what he said

Quote from Minotauro

oh your life sounds cool cj You living in savannah now ?

Yeah, its really nice down there... I love the weather. And 15 mins away from the beach... but a shitty beach.. though to look on the bright side ive never lived 15 mins away from my beach in my life so... hehe. It might sound cool but im kinda stressed about my grades.. .they werent looking so hott this quarter.

Quote from RD

Crackjack, who is the very famous musician?

AC/DC's bass player.

met ferret but not holeman... supposedly he works at a ben and jerrys... hahaha