Posts by dux

[Blocked Image: http://inethub.olvi.net.ua/goty/Nali%20WarCow%201.jpg]

That's what JC is gonna do to the head of ZeniMax.

Probably end up being a shoddy console port. The last UT was a real downer for me.

Sort of. Except the group therapy was several of my friends coming to my home for a bit to sort me out, that helped a good deal. One of them drove 5 hours to see, so that was some bro love there.

Also another thing to add is that Kevin Spacey was hugely in favour of Netflix, he did a big talk about it, I think it got linked on here a while ago actually. So for him to end up doing a game like this just seems like the logical next step.

I got it on steam yesterday. Took me over an hour to actually get it running ¬_¬ the FOV is locked at 65 and makes me feel very sick so I can only play it for small periods fo time. But it's decent, the shooting things part is fun

I would actually play this. Yes you heard me right, I would actually play a CoD game. Because Kevin fucking Spacey.

Ok ok I was smacking down the snoop dog stuff but this is waaaay more cool. Kevin Spacey.

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I don't think this is a "desperate for work" thing at all. Games are a serious thing now and it's really nice to see big name actors coming into games more even if it is CoD. This just takes me back to the C&C cutscene era. Those were cheesy on purpose, but this was pretty good!

I know UWE won't last forever, but I'm not in a state of mind or a position to do what keeps being suggested for me to do. I appreciate the encouragement, really I do - but I can't really describe how difficult it is for me to be as "out there" as you guys are. Thrik does a good job explaining how depression can feel though. To put this into context: I can't even ride a train or a bus by myself. Where I am now is my support mechanism and without any of this, my family, friends, an environment that I am comfortable in, and know, helps me ticking along when I take a dip. The last big dip I ended up with me passed out on the floor in a lot of blood, that's why I keep mostly to myself and work for myself, I'm unstable at times. Put me into a big city and a studio with a lot of unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar environments, having to travel back and forth from work - that would be incredibly difficult for me. I've taken more anti depressants and anti anxiety medication than I can even remember, I've been to psychologists plenty of times and none of it really helps that much, it might take the edge off but it doesn't fix you in any real way.

This all sounds incredibly negative I realise but at least I'm not as bad as I used to be as I couldn't even walk out of my front door without having a panic attack and throwing up everywhere haha... good times... But these days I can go out to parties around where I live as I know where I am around here and the people, drink beer and actually relax - that helps a lot but it takes a lot out of me, as has been mentioned by a few of you guys, being social really drains you. What I tend to do then after is sink back into my computer and books and get absorbed by a game and/or story for a few days until I feel "me" again - I.E detached enough from real life that I don't feel overly stressed about things in the real world. I just find familiarity a real big deal for me. Moving into this flat by myself was a huge personal push as I've never done that before, and I'm glad I did it.

I've been part of the core now for almost 10 years and I've seen all you guys grow up, become incredibly talented, get dream jobs at the studios we dream of being at, get married, have kids, and while I probably won't achieve many of those, what I do know is that being a part of this online community has been a serious part of my life, and for that, I'm really grateful.

Quote from blackdog

Dux if you acknowledge you feel depressed please do something, my aunt suffered the problem for a few years and it's painful. Understanding you have the problem is definitely a fundamental step, so, that's good.

I have dude no worries.

Quote from Minos

Also, Dux, if you are not happy with your life the worst thing you can do is to shut in and keep doing the same things over and over. I don't know you, but maybe that's exactly what's making the depression worse. I know it's hard as fuck for you to go out, but you need to force yourself and try it. Try different things until you find something that helps you get over your depression, it might be something really simple like getting a dog or a cat or making a new friend. Or you could learn modeling, if you didn't like 3ds max try Maya or even Zbrush... Just make shit and don't expect any results and you will get the hang of it eventually, I know several people much less talented than you artistically that are good at modeling.

Yeah as I said in my above tl;dr section I am a lot better than I used to be and have been pushing myself all the time to get better at things, the one thing I have finally done is get a grip and get into the shape I've always wanted to be in - it's just a slow process for me now as I once pushed myself too hard once, too fast - you could say too fast too furious... trotolrlorlt. But yeah, that didn't end well and I don't want to repeat the disaster that ended up being

Quote from Bunglo

Back at the end of October, I came home from work to find that my house had burned down, I lost everything but the shirt on my back, my car, and my phone. Two of my dogs died in the fire (one of those dogs was my shadow... miss that guy), and the third got out but later had to be put to sleep a few weeks later because she couldn't keep down water, vets said the surgery to remove what was blocking her kidneys (they presumed she swallowed a wood chip or something) would have been $2000+ and she was so weak from not having any water/food for a few days, she might not even had made it out of surgery.

My mom ended up in the mental ward (again) as all of this was happening (I was up in a hotel at this point), and within a few weeks of the fire, I lost it at work as a co-worker decided to kick me in the teeth and I quit on the spot.

Been in a rental home since November and unemployed ever since. Just turned down a position to be a field tech for a cable company, paid good, full time, etc but I've decided to just get a part time job, look into anything that will fuel my passions for art (like taking daarkens mentorship program... that looks bad ass!) while I work on as much art as I can so I can do what I want to do for a living... I'm not settling for anything else.

Dux, sometime depression is caused by something physical (chemical imbalance etc) but other times there's a deeper root of the cause. For the majority of my life, I suffered from extreme self hatred due to various reasons, most of which were all in my head, aka I believed a lie that I was worthless to anyone and a wast of space. As a result, I was horribly depressed for the majority of my life. It took an encounter with God (literally... talking bout Jesus just to be clear) to make me realize that I was believing a lie. I won't turn this into a discussion relating to ontology or anything metaphysical but there's a good chance there's a deeper problem(s) that's causing your depression.

It could be a physical issue but we're all broken in our own way, maybe it's your brokenness that needs to be properly addressed?

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I struggle to ride a train and you've had a rollercoaster of a time... ugh. I sure do feel a bit dopey. Are things a bit better now for you? Well, I was bullied out of school at a young age, I'm sure that didn't help me very much (Being fat didn't help me, that's why I got in the shape I am now. People don't even recognise me). And yes, I have hated myself for a long time, my physical and emotional state: for not being strong enough, for not being attractive enough... Everytime I've tried to get ontop of this and be positive about myself, something has always comes along to knock my fragile confidence down a peg and I have to start over again. But at least I've gotten really good at building myself back up again, I just need to learn not to get knocked down in the first place

Quote from SpronyvanJohnson

Stopping with smoking always leads to an increase in weight. Smoking kills your appetite so stopping that will make you feel hungry. Eating also gives you something to do instead of smoking. I quit as well and that's why I became fat. Well that and my love for brown mm's. Don't try and chance both at the same time. Focus on quitting first and then tackle eating. Chewing gum helped me a lot. Maybe it helps you too.

Dude, you are probably not going to respond to my offer, but seriously, you can talk to me. I already figured that stuff was going on. You're a hard man to reach and I tried. Anyway, unfortunately I have a lot of experience with depressions. It runs in my family and basically my entire life has revolved around it (I'm manic myself). There have been multiple suicides in my family and I've seen a lot of mental wards because of those people. So I think I can bring years of experiences to the table. No doctor Phil stuff and telling you what to do. No, simply being someone you can relate too helps. The offer stands.

Yeah I appreciate it, if I get down in the dumps again I'll remember

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tl;dr version: dux is gay

I was on medication for years. I don't want and don't need to (in my opinion) take medication anymore. I'm also agoraphobic, hence why I work the way I do and have really bad anxiety. Basically I'm a fucking mess. Living in a big city, or even another country would put me into meltdown and no future studio employer would need or want to put up with that. Plus I can't model for shit anyway and that's all working in the games industry is these days. Models and programming lolz generalisationz, Again, this is why I live in the middle of nowhere doing what I do. Probably all of you think I'm crazy but it is what I find helps me best.

I'm in the best shape of my life. I have the job I've always wanted. I have a lot of money saved up in my accounts. I have a nice decent wage. I live in a nice flat. Have nice things. An ok social life. And I'm incredibly depressed, stressed and fed up. I've suffered with depression all my life, but only recently am I starting to think I might actually be bi-polar with how up and down I'm always feeling. I watched a tv show about bipolarism by stephen fry who happens to be bi polar and a lot of it struck a chord, so yeah.

#1 on my hype list. But I'm so bored of all this early access stuff.

Very strange episode. I trust the changes they made will all come together and turn out to be good but yeah, I wasn't sure what to make of this one. It was still very good with some great scenes but overall as a reader I felt a bit lost. Up until this episode I've made sense of everything - even the little changes they made before in earlier episodes. And it took me ages to realise who the fuck Locke was as he isn't part of the books.

Man Stalker still looks good even today which just serves to remind me of how blown away I was when it was released back then.

Oh we're cutting are we. All those carbs and chocolate finally caught up

Quote from PogoP

Been playing this a fair bit last night/tonight. Gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed in Dark Souls 2 in comparison to the first.

The combat feels.. Weird. There seems to be a lot of stopping and starting with the combat in 2, it just seems like if you get hit you're stunned for ages, whereas it was a bit more forgiving in Dark Souls 1. Also, the graphics and level design are a serious downgrade. I don't know what happened exactly, maybe they took on a few temps or something, but fuckin hell some parts just look terrible.

Overall, disappointed in the sequel. Admittedly I'm not too far through, I just beat the Last Giant, and have fallen off some planks shortly afterwards about 4/5 times now, so I've given up for the night.

Also, why the hell do you have to go back to that bitch in Majualualuala to level up? Why change that from DS1? There is no advantage to going back to Mariujuananauaville, it's not like there's loads of people there that constantly have new things to say. You just go back, that woman moans about souls or some crap, and then you can level up. Why not just let me do that at any bonfire? I lost about 5000 souls right at the beginning of the game because I was waiting for the bonfires to start letting me upgrade, so I was just running on when I could have gone and spoke to that lovely lady in Mawujlwnmauanun.

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Also eat stuff with lots of salt in/on it !!!!!!

How can a guy as talented as you not have a job for 8 months wtf

/derail sorry

btw I caught my ballsack on a beltsander the other day.

Another leg day, went heavy with deadlifts and squats. I'm gonna be walking like an old man tomorrow.

Tuna burgers with pumpkin seeds chopped onions and some sweet potato as a side. Om nom nom.