Turns out I do have pretty bad adhd but all the advice is still as, if not more applicable and my health is improving (thank you). This is why I always made so many new maps without finishing any. Maybe I will use the knowledge of my predicament to push past the graybox
Side note, I can get Czech citizenship through descent so I may explore Europe as a place to live to change the scenery. Has anyone had a really good experience with a particular EU country? Tefl is on the table and studies later on as well.