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Thrik

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Just got my face slammed again by a girl. Now listening to System Of A Dawn.

Just think of how many other women there are out there! Don't waste a single minute thinking about the one who dared to slam your face. Not worth it.

Also, System of a Down is the shit! Great music.

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Haven't been on in a while, lots going on.

 

I recently started a new job and also split with my girlfriend of 5 years. I feel like a bit of a bitch for letting it affect me as much as it has after reading some of the stuff you guys have gone through/are dealing with. Not really sure what to feel about anything at the moment.

 

I guess it's motivated me to start working out more and means I can concentrate on myself and having fun for a while, which is always good. 

 

Glad to see some exciting things happening for some of you folks :D

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Just got my face slammed again by a girl. Now listening to System Of A Dawn.

 

I'm known to be cheeky and flirtatious but I've never been slapped and boy did I push my luck. Which makes me wonder, what did you say/do?

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Thank you guys!

 

I'm known to be cheeky and flirtatious but I've never been slapped and boy did I push my luck. Which makes me wonder, what did you say/do?

I haven't been my friend, I wrote "slammed" as to mean that I got rejected bluntly after what seemed could be a perfect relationship.

This is not sentimentally painful... it bites because picture this: this girl started working here just a few weeks ago and we immediately had an incredible relationship from the first day. Probably because I was just being friendly while she fancied me right away, I'm not good at all at these things.

A week later I had already met her parents and had some food at their place and she invited me camping.

Last week I cooked for her and we chatted till late. Evening after she invited me for drinks and everything was going incredibly smoothly, we even had the full moon lighting the way while walking hand in hand: I was going to kiss her right there and then, but she started talking about some concerns on having a relationship while working and living in the same place. As we entered the field centre I understood she wanted me to kiss her. But I was already set to do that in front of her door: i thought it was squallid to kiss her in the kitchen, but no kiss in the corridor because of her paranoias about getting caught. We texted right after and she came out saying she could't believe i didn't kiss her in the kitchen, and that created some effing huge expectations so when we got together the following night we kissed but the whole situation felt forced.

We've kept tapping each other these days, waiting for the right moment and last night coming back from the pub we kissed outside. It was better than the other day but still mediocre, so she said she's sorry, she wanted to give us another try but this is not working. Plus the rest of the usual bullcrap: co-workers paranoia, came here with a project, coming out from a 5 years relationship or something.

So lesson learned: girls talk is bullshit, they appreciate the romantic touch just as little and they can be selfish as much as they like to accuse us to be. Always follow when a girl appears ready.

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Always sucks, but at least you learnt something from it and in future you know what to do differently. I definitely recommend not trying to plan or save things for a certain time, relations with girls are completely unpredictable and it'll just lead to disaster.

Have no expectations, take every opportunity that presents itself, and if a girl likes you she won't feel like you've crossed some boundary or etiquette because you want to kiss/touch her — just do it, and fast! Otherwise it's straight into the friend zone.

If it gets to the point where you're talking about liking each other before actually doing anything about it, it's probably too late. That kind of thing just gets weird, and if you DO end up talking like that and aren't kissing within seconds then you can call it a day, lol.

Seriously though, sooooo many girls out there. Just keep putting yourself into new situations and bear in mind that it's kind of a skill — you will totally mess up a whole bunch of times before things start clicking in your head and you realise what things to not do. I've thrown away some promising dates while figuring this shit out.

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We probably have too much expectations because of porn and girls probably have too much expectations because of Julia Roberts.

 

She probably wanted to feel a bit better about herself blackdog. And well, not any further, at your cost. After 5 years of relationship, you don't want to get engaged in something, but you still need to prove to yourself you are able to seduce again i guess. Which didn't mean she was thinking badly of you, she probably though you were a good call, because to feel good about herself, she needs to seduce someone worth something in her eyes.

 

Anyway, all the best man! take care, pass and i am sure you will definitely find someone for you.

 

Also i noticed that Liam, fell on the charm right away.

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Jesus man that sounds intense. Girls have way too high expectations about romance these days.

Thanks, it was! And a really nice experience to live.

But I kinda feel the opposite about romance, I mean girls talk about it, but in the end it's not fundamental to kick start things… probably more to keep things going though!

She probably wanted to feel a bit better about herself blackdog. And well, not any further, at your cost. After 5 years of relationship, you don't want to get engaged in something, but you still need to prove to yourself you are able to seduce again i guess. Which didn't mean she was thinking badly of you […]

I didn't look at the situation from this angle, I'm not sure if you mean it this way, but I don't think she purposely lead me on, planning to end it so abruptly.

Before the debacle I felt she was looking at me like there was nothing more interesting in the room and continuously buzzing around me, joining whatever social activity I joined or proposing me to do things. As well as she looked sad when things didn't engage between us, like a kid holding a broken toy.

Afterall she's 32 (I'm 31) and she travelled half the world having serious adventures (like she was in New Orleans when Katrina hit), I think she knows pretty much what she wants, or the way things have to go to please her.

Of course after relationships that long you don't plan for the next one, but it's not like I was looking for something like that anyway: one step at a time ;)

Edited by blackdog

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I think you're right, romance definitely becomes a big factor later on but the initial stages really come down to raw attraction and heavy flirting. I discovered when I started dating more that when I played it safe I got nowhere, whereas being brave about touching the girl (this sounds awful but I just mean casually putting your hand on her while talking, etc) and being 100% forward with my intentions almost immediately led to repeat dates and beyond.

Just going for the kiss is pretty important because, basically, it's what the girl expects from a man and getting this wrong can actually be disastrous not just for you but also her belief in you as a confident guy — just like not asking for a number when the opportunity is there. It can be terrifying if you're not great at reading the signals, but a key thing to learn IMO is how to play off failed attempts (i.e. girl turns away) without it going awkward as hell. Same for the more physical stuff: you've got to push, and she won't always go along with it so think how to pull back without it getting weird.

At the beginning it's not about a relationship, if you're thinking that far ahead you need to stop because it'll make every single encounter seem way more important than it is and you'll freeze yourself due to so much pressure, or even worse appear needy. Just go looking for a good time with someone you find hot, and IF something develops from there great. :D If not, you've both had a good experience and may even remain friends (or 'friends' :cool:).

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Yes dude totally, i wasn't meaning a completely cynical mind doing evil maths. I just meant someone who needs to flirt and seduce at some point and then stop for a minute and realise she was a bit too enthusiastic when the relationship get ahead of the flirtatious stage. Pretty normal stuff. If she knew what she wanted it's much better this way than engage in a bad relationship, so she did good for both of you to stop at this point i think. 

 

Just to say make it easy on yourself, you don't have to throw you rocks dude ! :)    If you think you've done an error or anything of the like.

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@FMPONE: Linux Apache Mysql PHP? :v

 

Just to say make it easy on yourself, you don't have to throw you rocks dude ! :)    If you think you've done an error or anything of the like.

I get what ou mean, thanks for the clarification!
Well yes, i'd say my pride is hurt you know, you think "if i did manage to make it feel good it wouldn't have stopped before even starting".
I always held back myself too much, both for politeness(?) and not to get hurt... but you know, that is finally my last concern: i moved to break clear and live differently, experience as much as possible, and relationships are part of the game.

But you've made a good point and most probably there's some of that as well in the mix of reasons that led to this.

 

And as Thrik said, who knows. We have to live together, there's no bitterness so i'm sure awkwardness will go away soon and we'll enjoy each other's company. And maybe at some point we'll walk in some func_trigger that will open a special door :cool:

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