What's going on with your life?

[Steppenwolf]

Dux have you tried group therapy? That helped me ten times more then any of the talking sessions with psychologists. I remember one guy in my group who couldn't leave his house by himself. An ambulance had to pick him up every morning. He got so depressed because of his job in a old-age home. Total nerve wreck. But even he was much better after a couple months.

[dux]

Sort of. Except the group therapy was several of my friends coming to my home for a bit to sort me out, that helped a good deal. One of them drove 5 hours to see, so that was some bro love there.

[RaVaGe]

ahahah dux is gayyyyy. I hope you'll sort that out. I'm not a therapist, and my life isn't better, so I can't help, sooooooorryyyyy.

 

    Anyway enough complainings guys, it's my turn. Where to start lmao, i'm the kind of person with two lifes, i'm a very social person, I love to make friends and I love to get out and talk with strangers, but on the other side I don't really have a lot of 'good' friends,  I have two really good friends that I can rely on, but the rest are just a bunch of acquaintances, of course i'm in a good relation with all of them, I know a shitload of people I swear, but we're not true friends.
    I'm saying that because it seems like i'm a guy who is unable to keep a relation, not because of the others, but it seems like I simply don't care about keeping up a relation, when I meet someone, we get out together during 2-3 week-ends, everything's going well, and then suddently I just stop to see them, because I get bored of them or because i'm just too lazy.
    On the other side, i'm a really introverted person sometime, especially with my family, I barely speak to my sisters, and I barely speak to my parents, I just don't know what to say to them, so when I go back from my job I just lock out in my bedroom and then work on my hobbies, go eat, and then go back to the computer. So I barely see my family while i'm living in the same house lmao.
    And more the time passes, the less I have a conversation with them, last time I had a conversation with my sister, it last for 10 seconds, same story with my parents. It fucking sucks tbh, but it's like that, i'm just confined into my silence, and it seems like a mountain to climb if I would want to change that. Anyway.
    
    I've lost any confidence in myself since my adolescence when I was 15, I started to get really skinny, and It has been really hard to see me in a mirror since then, so I took the liberty to bully myself for that. Years after years, there haven't been any improvement with my skin, it was in fact, getting worse ahah, so I started to lock myself in my bedroom and spend my whole time in front of the computer.

    I love to learn new things, not because I need it, but just because it seems cool, I started to learn to program, making websites and such, but while I took some pleasure to do that, I've been bored really quickly, then I started to learn the C language during some weeks, i've been bored of it even more quickly, and there's a huge list of things I started to learn but wich didn't made it to me, because it was just getting boring after a while. You can put the mapping in the same section, i've collected the unfinished stuffs on tf2, my projects were getting boring after a while, so to resume, my hobbies are now, making maps and making music, and on the other side, i'm learning some stuffs that I know I will get bored of, but I just can't stop to learn. While i'm also learning alot of stuff during my job, as a carpented, by example, i'm now using a brand new software to design cabinets in 3D and then trow them to the CNC automatically, whatever...
    
    So in fact, learning new stuff is kinda a good thing, but not finishing any of your projects isn't that good. I'm as always confined into that mood of finding everything boring after a moment.

    Another problem is that i'm over analysing my work, the people, myself,  it blocks my inspiration, my ideas, I don't understand anymore why I made this or that, and then I give up. While in fact I try to never judge anyone and accept a lot of the mistakes from someone and laugh of it with them, or even help them to get better, I will never, fucking never, accept the fact of doing a mistake, I just can't. The others can make every mistakes they want, even with me, I don't care, really, but I swear I remember every mistakes I made since I'm born, that's a fucking mental jail, and I can't get out of that.

    Add to this my poor confidence of myself, and then you have me, scared to do anything, and in fact not living at all, I looks like a robot, doing my job, go to the computer, repeat. I've a shitload of money sitting in my bank account, I don't even know what to do with it lmao. Surprisingly, it could be worse with girls I even made it with a really gorgeous one the last month, i'm fucking tough while i'm kinda ugly, lmao. But I made it, and I don't even know how. But sadly it didn't last long, like all of my other relations.

    Anyway, i'm not really complaining, life hasn't been a bitch with me atm, I have a job, I have friends, a car, I go out whenever I want and I don't care about how much money I spend, I try to be a better guy every day, and to not judge anybody anymore, especially myself at first.
    Sorry for the english, wich I learned by myself too lmao.

Edited May 2, 2014 by RaVaGe

[Psy]

    Anyway enough complainings guys, it's my turn. Where to start lmao, i'm the kind of person with two lifes, i'm a very social person, I love to make friends and I love to get out and talk with strangers, but on the other side I don't really have a lot of 'good' friends,  I have two really good friends that I can rely on, but the rest are just a bunch of acquaintances, of course i'm in a good relation with all of them, I know a shitload of people I swear, but we're not true friends.

    I'm saying that because it seems like i'm a guy who is unable to keep a relation, not because of the others, but it seems like I simply don't care about keeping up a relation, when I meet someone, we get out together during 2-3 week-ends, everything's going well, and then suddently I just stop to see them, because I get bored of them or because i'm just too lazy.

    On the other side, i'm a really introverted person sometime, especially with my family, I barely speak to my sisters, and I barely speak to my parents, I just don't know what to say to them, so when I go back from my job I just lock out in my bedroom and then work on my hobbies, go eat, and then go back to the computer. So I barely see my family while i'm living in the same house lmao.

 

I'm similar to you in terms of friends.

 

I've made a lot of acquaintances and at least *think* I'm pretty good at striking up a conversation with people. Unfortunately, I'm more of a listener so the dynamic often ends up being skewed, with people telling me all about their lives whilst I say little in return about myself. In fact, it's so unusual for someone to ask me how things are going that I often don't know to say! As a result, people don't know much about me which makes it difficult for me to have any 'true' friends who I could rely on for anything. But I guess that's true for a lot of people. 

 

Anyway, my depression has been going on for as long as I can remember, but has got a lot worse since December. It's gotten to the point where I would be sitting at work either feeling like a zombie, completely disconnected from everything around me, or on the verge of breaking into tears. Thankfully, I'm off work until next week and I'm arranging to see a Psychiatrist as soon as my referral comes through from my GP. Whether it will help or not...I don't know. I just need to try it and see how it goes because feeling this way sucks teh bawls. 

[Sentura]

I think deep down everybody has their own problems and their own ways of dealing with them. I see a lot of stuff here that I partially recognize, but nobody really hits the nail on the head. I used to have a depression as well for the longest time, and my studies kept me from actually achieving what I wanted to do (which I guess back then was a huge contributing factor). But after finishing all of my studies and finally having some breathing room, pretty much everything went away. And I do mean everything. While I was studying the dream and goal was to break into the industry. Now that I have achieved that my days off are spent on nothing and I often feel without purpose. I have generally seen a lot of death in my life... perhaps more than the average person, which most likely has shaped into what I am/was. My mother, the only family I ever had, died 2 years ago of cancer, and that ripped out a part of me. I had and still have very few friends. All of this together made me just not care about anything. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and I could probably do it indefinitely, but it feels like an empty existence, and none of the goddamn knowledge I have accumulated over the many many years of reflection and studying has, or most likely won't fill that emptiness. It's like having all the answers except the one you need yourself.

 

I started doing a lot of bad things, including drinking a lot. More stuff followed, none that I will speak of here because it is simply too fucked up. There's a border between where your problems are just your problems and when they become everybody's problems, and I'm not about to cross that line... both because I am very private person, but also because of the severity of the things I've done. This is most likely shit I will have to take to my grave, at whatever cost to my psyche.

 

For anyone else reading this, take note: Don't leave yourself purposeless, because it will drive your mind to the edge of your sanity, and it will cause you to do shit that will not put you in a good light. It really is the journey and not the goal that matters.

[knj]

My mother, the only family I ever had, died 2 years ago of cancer, and that ripped out a part of me.

 Dude, I'm so sory I even can't imagine how painful that was, I love my mam sooo much, that I can't event image how I will take that day when it comes . . . life is fucked up sometimes i guess.

Some of the post here are long so I didn't read them all, as for me I will put the propper post in couple of days, when some of my business will be sort out

[TheOnlyDoubleF]

    Anyway enough complainings guys, it's my turn. Where to start lmao, i'm the kind of person with two lifes, i'm a very social person, I love to make friends and I love to get out and talk with strangers, but on the other side I don't really have a lot of 'good' friends,  I have two really good friends that I can rely on, but the rest are just a bunch of acquaintances, of course i'm in a good relation with all of them, I know a shitload of people I swear, but we're not true friends.

    I'm saying that because it seems like i'm a guy who is unable to keep a relation, not because of the others, but it seems like I simply don't care about keeping up a relation, when I meet someone, we get out together during 2-3 week-ends, everything's going well, and then suddently I just stop to see them, because I get bored of them or because i'm just too lazy.

    On the other side, i'm a really introverted person sometime, especially with my family, I barely speak to my sisters, and I barely speak to my parents, I just don't know what to say to them, so when I go back from my job I just lock out in my bedroom and then work on my hobbies, go eat, and then go back to the computer. So I barely see my family while i'm living in the same house lmao.

    And more the time passes, the less I have a conversation with them, last time I had a conversation with my sister, it last for 10 seconds, same story with my parents. It fucking sucks tbh, but it's like that, i'm just confined into my silence, and it seems like a mountain to climb if I would want to change that. Anyway.

    

    I've lost any confidence in myself since my adolescence when I was 15, I started to get really skinny, and It has been really hard to see me in a mirror since then, so I took the liberty to bully myself for that. Years after years, there haven't been any improvement with my skin, it was in fact, getting worse ahah, so I started to lock myself in my bedroom and spend my whole time in front of the computer.

 

    So in fact, learning new stuff is kinda a good thing, but not finishing any of your projects isn't that good. I'm as always confined into that mood of finding everything boring after a moment.

    Another problem is that i'm over analysing my work, the people, myself,  it blocks my inspiration, my ideas, I don't understand anymore why I made this or that, and then I give up. While in fact I try to never judge anyone and accept a lot of the mistakes from someone and laugh of it with them, or even help them to get better, I will never, fucking never, accept the fact of doing a mistake, I just can't. The others can make every mistakes they want, even with me, I don't care, really, but I swear I remember every mistakes I made since I'm born, that's a fucking mental jail, and I can't get out of that.

    Add to this my poor confidence of myself, and then you have me, scared to do anything, and in fact not living at all, I looks like a robot, doing my job, go to the computer, repeat. I've a shitload of money sitting in my bank account, I don't even know what to do with it lmao. Surprisingly, it could be worse with girls I even made it with a really gorgeous one the last month, i'm fucking tough while i'm kinda ugly, lmao. But I made it, and I don't even know how. But sadly it didn't last long, like all of my other relations.

    Anyway, i'm not really complaining, life hasn't been a bitch with me atm, I have a job, I have friends, a car, I go out whenever I want and I don't care about how much money I spend, I try to be a better guy every day, and to not judge anybody anymore, especially myself at first.

 

Waho, It was like I was reading in my own brain 

Edited May 3, 2014 by TheOnlyDoubleF

[Sprony]

It makes me really sad that so many of you are having problems. Even if you don't have hope, hang in there brothers! Because everything seems impossible until it's done. Let me clarify:

 

I had a dream childhood and I was very spoiled. Got into a good school because I'm good learner. Everything was going according to plan and I was on my way to become an archaeologist. But then shit hit the fan. My parents separated. Not long after my mother, who had tried it several times before (regardless of therapy), finally succeeded in her suicide attempt. My father was gone with his new girlfriend, my mother was dead and at 15 and I was alone (due to my mother's illness there was no contact with the rest of the family because she hated them all). I got kicked out of school and found refuge in a life of drugs and crime. Most figured I would be dead before my 21st birthday. Leaving that world behind seemed impossible and I spent 6 years doing all the wrong things.

 

Then I connected to my ex girlfriends mother. She saw me as her child and tried to save me. Because of her I was clean for a while, she found me a school and a job in computers and me and my father grew close again. After I broke up with my ex I had a relapse but because of her mother I kept in school and managed to keep the job. After a devastating speech from her husband about me needing to stop complaining and man the fuck up, I convinced myself that I wouldn't go down like that. The hardest decision of my life was to move away and break contact with my old friends. After several attempts it became clear that this was the only way to escape that world. When I was 22 I decided to buy a house with another ex girlfriend in a different city. Within 6 months she left me. Now I had to work for a mortgage that I couldn't afford. Another relapse followed.

 

It was the summer of 2007. Even though I managed to get a better mortgage, received several diplomas and managed to find a new better paying job, I was full circle again. New drugs/crime friends, lots of partying and random sex. Then I misbehaved at a work party. I felt so guilty the next day that I decided enough is enough. I didn't come all this way to drown on the fucking beach. I turned my life around. I stopped doing hard drugs/hard drinking since 2008 and I even quit smoking. I met my wife. I rebuild a social life with "normal" people. I keep getting promoted at my job (including new diplomas). Now we've got our own house, our own cars, a well paying job, a good social life and we're becoming parents soon.

 

Which is a big contrast with 15 years ago. Then I had a mattress on the floor in the corner of a empty room. Now I'm going to play family guy. I've lost a lot of people and I had to relearn basic social stuff. Because being on your own for so long, without supervision, kinda makes you an asshole. Everyday is a struggle not to fall back to whatever vice I used to be addicted to. Something nobody in my environment can relate too. It's hard and it drains you. Being manic doesn't help either. But I'm here, writing, getting jobs, trying to make my dreams a reality. 

 

The point of this history of Sprony is that you all can make it. I used to spend weekends in jail cells but now I'm playing with kids at a party. I used to be addicted to a lot of things, now I only eat too much. I used to be alone, now I have a family. I used to be broke, now I got money in the bank. Everything you ever want can be accomplished by sheer determination and help from the people that love you. Because nobody can make it out here alone. Also, never be ashamed for being you or for your past. It has made you the man you are today. Thanks to my history I can tell wild stories that most people will claim that they're bullshit. In those 15 years I had enough bad and good experiences for a life time. So you see my friends, everything seems impossible until it's done

[Sentura]

 

My mother, the only family I ever had, died 2 years ago of cancer, and that ripped out a part of me.

 Dude, I'm so sory I even can't imagine how painful that was, I love my mam sooo much, that I can't event image how I will take that day when it comes . . . life is fucked up sometimes i guess.

Some of the post here are long so I didn't read them all, as for me I will put the propper post in couple of days, when some of my business will be sort out

 

 

Thanks man. I appreciate it.

[Chimeray]

Guys, google "fake it till you make it" and "happiness is a choice", look into that kind of psychology. It obviously won't work if you're in an ongoing painful situation right now but if your life is somewhat stable and you know you shouldn't feel the way you do then stop focusing on the negative... Stop that downwards spiral. I guess we're all different and handle our emotions a bit differently but you don't have to be a slave to your (sometimes nonsensical) feelings, get out of bed, focus on the good shit. Whenever I'm feeling jealous/sad/whatever of that silly crap I just analyze it for a bit and then just throw that away, there's no need to wallow in that stuff for hours/days. You'd be surprised about how much control you have over your state of mind. Realizing this has been a big boost for me in my everyday life. It won't help you over the big life changing stuff but it will get you through the normal grind of life easier.

 

None of this helps if you have a clinical depression or other kinds of chemical imbalances though... Get treated. And to everyone who's been having it tough lately with legit fucked up shit, hang in there bro's!

 

Also the person that suggested to cut out pr0n, seriously just do it or cut it back severely, that stuff is toxic to your brain.

 

 

That being said, I've had it easy so far without any major setbacks. There's been a couple of deaths but that's just a part of life, I feel like they've only made me realize how much I should appreciate that I'm still alive and should live it while I can. Since last September I've basically said yes whenever someone asked me out to do something random cos there might not be a tomorrow. This has made me a much happier person. I guess I've had some winter blues (lack of sun lawl) and some hurdles of moving abroad and having to leave everything and friends behind which has been tough and lonely at times but gotten over it...

 

I get through the years by setting longtime goals that are achievable (for instance now running 5km under 20:00). I feel stuff like that is one of my keys to happiness, you just need something to work towards, basically have a future prospect. To me it feels like my success has been a combination of luck/skill and a chain-effect of my mindset. Happiness is contagious, people pick up on it and treat you better and give you more opportunities, which in turn makes you happier and etc, it's a chain-effect... While being negative has the opposite downwards effect. Start today, even if your day is shit, there's got to be something you're enjoying, go for a walk... You're still alive guys, live your life while you still can! Do something new.

Edited May 3, 2014 by Chimeray

[ChopperDave]

Man, my life doesn't seem so bad now. I use to complain about my dick getting caught in the toaster, but not anymore.

[Thrik]

The whole cutting back on porn thing has caught my attention after being brought up by two people now. Why is that? Is it the porn itself you're saying is a bad thing or the fap? I definitely agree that it's best to avoid either if you're actively pursuing relations because it kind of takes away your drive to bother and you don't be as forward as you should.

As for me, week was going pretty well then yesterday I was basically crippled and could barely move all day — think I strained my back through moving heavy shit and/or sleeping badly. Feeling a bit better today so hopefully going to get some productive stuff done. Got new MapCore content to publish, a surprise £250 bill from my ISP after moving to get pissed off about, and a Wii U to order.

[Psy]

The whole cutting back on porn thing has caught my attention after being brought up by two people now. Why is that? Is it the porn itself you're saying is a bad thing or the fap? I definitely agree that it's best to avoid either if you're actively pursuing relations because it kind of takes away your drive to bother and you don't be as forward as you should.

As for me, week was going pretty well then yesterday I was basically crippled and could barely move all day — think I strained my back through moving heavy shit and/or sleeping badly. Feeling a bit better today so hopefully going to get some productive stuff done. Got new MapCore content to publish, a surprise £250 bill from my ISP after moving to get pissed off about, and a Wii U to order.

 

Da fuck? 

[AtsEst]

http://www.depressionquest.com/

 

[RedYager]

Reading some of these life experiences has been a real eye-opener and quite heartbreaking ( I shed tears, I know I'm a little girl), its bizarre how much I can relate to some of you. I'm very grateful about how open some of you have been, knowing that people who share the same interests and goals as I do have been through these types of experiences makes me feel like I'm not alone. I feel it only right that I share my own. 

 

I had a great upbringing, I've always felt safe, lucky, and had a loving family. I have dealt depression and anxiety for most of my life but managed to get through it. Around May 2012, after dropping out of University and remaining unemployed, I began to withdraw from everything, my friends, my family. I was filled with anger and frustration about my life and decisions I had made. By October, I was spending 23 and half hours a day in my small bedroom, sat on a shit chair in-front of a computer all day. I had completely shut myself off from my family, I avoided them as much as I could, and never spoke to them, even though we all lived in the same house. I have never felt such utter misery in my life, I had destroyed everything I cared about, and I had lost my family, or rather they had lost me, I had torn the family apart. I was certain that I had lost any chance of ever rebuilding my life, and had some really negative things running through my mind. It was only when my parents called my doctor to come visit me, that I actually started talking to someone. I remained like this until around April 2013, an entire year of the same shit all day long, I have no fucking clue how I got through it. My depression turned into severe anxiety, and I couldn't stay quiet anymore. I very slowly started talking to my parents again, just a few words a day. I cannot begin to describe how difficult these first steps were. The anxiety made me restless, and I actually started leaving my room and walking around the house. I now felt guilt and shame over what i had done, not over the past year but throughout my entire life. I had realized that it was me that had put myself in this situation, because of all the stupid things I had done. I started taking medication, for both the depression and anxiety. I also started learning about Buddhism, and learnt a great deal about happiness and becoming a better, kinder person. I'm not a Buddhist, but some of the teachings are so bloody obvious and make so much sense, yet are overlooked by so many. Over the next few months, I began talking to my parents more, I started leaving the house with them, going on walks and I started visiting my doctor. All of this was extremely tiring and difficult, but I couldn't go back, I had to keep at it and gradually reconnect with them. 

 

Throughout this entire time, when each day felt meaningless,  I never stopped making stuff, maps, models and I kept on learning. Days would pass doing this. In November, when I was still recovering, I was contacted out of the blue and given a job offer. It meant moving to the bottom of the country, away from my family who I felt like I had just got back, I was also due to start therapy. My parents were very encouraging, but I didn't want to leave them without making up for the lost time. However I said yes, and two weeks later I had moved to an alien place, was living on my own, and working in an office with people I barely knew. It was bizarre, and I struggled for a few weeks to keep it together and settle in, but I did it.

 

I now have my own little flat in a lovely location, a job I enjoy, and some points in the bank. My confidence is better than it has ever been, and I feel like I've achieved more by taking this job opportunity than I would have gained through therapy. But most importantly, I have my family back. I have learnt that family is everything, its all I need, I might be a long way away from them now, but we are together again, I love them so much and I will never let anything come between us.

 

I have Mapcore to thank for helping me get through that time. I visited here every day, had EOT to entertain me, people to communicate with, and was inspired by all the cool stuff you guys come out with. 

 

-

 

tl;dr - I wrecked myself, recovered, learnt lessons, now I'm happy

Edited May 4, 2014 by RedYager